Finding Closure

Breakups suck, that we all know. But what we may not want to realize is that we prolong the "releasing" phase by haunting our thoughts with questions. Questions that we want so badly for the other person to answer for us. We almost always seek validation and closure for relationships that didn't work. We often feel like it is our fought, so we want to know why we were treated badly, what we could have done to make it work and why our luck is so bad in the love department. By doing this (asking ourselves these questions) we never truly free ourselves from the relationship and the other person.

With that being said, I want to suggest freeing yourself by providing yourself with closure.

So how do we find closure on our own after the relationship ends and no true conversation was had? How do we find the answers we so desperately need after heartbreak and heartache? How do we move forward with a clear mind and a full heart? The answers to these questions are different for each of us. However, the way we go about finding these answers is the same.

Now this ain't easy love. Making the transition to a happier life after turmoil will seem almost impossible for some of us. But I am here to tell you, from personal experience, that it is doable. The deeper your desire is to connect with yourself and trust in the Universe, the easier the process will be.

Start by focusing on yourself. 

Do the things that you love to do. Isolate yourself if need be. Write down your thoughts. Your mind will try to bring you down by dragging those questions up and down your brain but remember what you have to do to find the answers. Look within yourself, affirm what/who you are and trust that the Universe has a better path for you to follow at this time. Don't spend this time replaying arguments, wondering how things would have been if you did this and he/she did that. Understand that this is your reality. This is the present. The harder you try to ignore it, the worse you will become. Take as long as you need to come to the realization that this is real. He/she is gone and it is for the better. I hate to say it but everything does happen for a reason and you need to know that the reason for this is a positive one.

Then, start reflecting on the changes you have to make. 

Breakups are the best time to figure out what you need to change to better yourself (either for your next relationship or just period, for yourself). What things did you do throughout the relationship that wasn't genuine? Did you act outside of your character? Do you feel like you treated yourself the way you should have throughout the relationship? What is it that made you stay if you knew the relationship was toxic? Ask yourself these question and write down your thoughts. Try hard not to judge yourself throughout these exercises. Judging will only make the process harder. No judgment allowed. You are asking yourself this questions for one reason and one reason only--to better yourself. By doing this you are allowing yourself room to change. You are leveling up your frequency, so to speak.

If you actually do this, and believe in the steps and in yourself I am almost certain you will find your happiness again. You will find closure without it being provided by the person who left you in the first place. You don't need them to validate your existence. Let they ass go, but let them go without holding a grudge and without hate. And let me tell you, if your intent when letting them go is not pure, the negativity will fester. Trust me.

But if you affirm that you are great. That you were created perfect. That you are love therefore will always attract love. That you are amazing in all of your right, you will get over the heartbreak. You will find freedom. You will find peace. You will find happiness. You will relight your inner candle. You will shine bright. And soon you will begin to attract the people who truly deserve you. And that my darling is worth much more than shade throwing.

I wish you luck on your "releasing" phase my dear. Know that you are not alone in this journey.

-patiencetamarra